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“THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS A LIFE OF PURPOSE.”
~ROBERT BYRNE

Problem:
Emptiness; lack of meaning; lack of motivation.
Emotional & spiritual pain.

Dear Past (Pain-Full) Self,

A LIFE WITHOUT MEANING IS EMPTY AND PAINFUL…

Back pain I can fix but what felt permanent was the feeling of dread I had when I thought I had no purpose in life. When my life felt like it had no meaning. 

THIS IS WHAT I CALL SPIRITUAL PAIN.

I overcame this feeling and got to finding solutions after reading Victor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search For Meaning”. Here was this Jew on the brink of death in the Nazi concentration camp who survived because he gave his experience a better meaning.

TO OVERCOME THE PAIN OF NOT KNOWING YOUR PURPOSE THE FIRST STEP IS TO GET TO KNOW YOURSELF BETTER.

To do this you want to skip those personality tests because they can lead to more confusion about what you “should do” or “should be good at” (although I love personality tests, for this purpose it’s not going to be necessary). Instead, what I did to discover myself better what figure out my VALUES. 

IN OTHER WORDS I FIGURED OUT WHAT WAS MOST IMPORTANT FOR ME TO FEEL IN LIFE.

I asked myself this question: What is most important for me to feel in (life)? These are the things guiding your actions, your decisions, your results…and ultimately: your destiny. These are your LIFE VALUES. You can also use this to discover your relationship values, work values, etc (by replacing life with whatever category you choose). Thanks to Tony Robbins for that, by the way. If you wish to go deeper on this subject and such I highly recommend you check out Tony Robbin’s seminar “Date With Destiny”.

SO, ASK YOURSELF, THE QUESTION…

“What is most important for me to feel in life?” The answers I wrote down and then categorized.

After that, I used Dr. John DeMartini’s Value Determination test to solidify what my HIGHEST values were (links attached below). This really gave me clarity. I noticed why I did the things I did.For example, my highest value was to feel pain-free (stated positively as: Healthy & Vital).

THIS GUIDED ALMOST EVERY DECISION I MADE IN LIFE.

From what I spent my money on (mainly supplements and health advice) to what I chose to wear, what I ate eat, who I chose to hang out with, and what I did on a daily basis. 

I ALSO LOOKED AT MY OTHER TOP VALUES AND HOW THE DICTATED MY ACTIONS AND DECISIONS.

My second highest value was FREEDOM/ADVENTURE. It made sense because I spent the rest of the money I didn’t spend on health products to travel, go to festivals, and have fun. It’s no wonder I was in and out of relationships…but this was an issue for me because my third highest value was LOVE, and many times my desire for freedom and love would struggle against each other creating confusion. So, I had to rearrange my values. More on that in another letter. Starting to get the picture? Your values (and beliefs) shape you as a person.

SO, WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR PURPOSE?

Well, your purpose in life is obviously shaped around what FEELS most important to you (in life). Living in alignment with your values gives us happiness and fulfillment. Living out of them gives us misery.When I was 14, I got a job at the nearest Chik-Fil-A (thanks to my brother Qasem for that). Long story short I was not happy while I was there, because, well, fast food doesn’t meet my desire for health & vitality, and working for a strict conservative company didn’t meet my need for freedom/adventure. But because I wanted love I did not want to lose that from my brother who got me the job, so I stayed, in misery. My purpose at the time was to go to work at an American fast food restaurant and make money to buy clothes and go out with friends. Eventually, I quit, because…

OUR HIGHEST VALUES ALWAYS COME OUT ON TOP…

I was once again without a purpose. Lost. Confused. And afraid. I ended up working at another fast food restaurant (Steak N’ Shake) but quit after a week. I didn’t learn my lesson earlier, that work that’s outside my values does not create lasting fulfillment, positive impact, or a sense of living my purpose in life. I was living someone else’s, which creates pain. To find yourself you must know yourself.

Solution:
Determine your values and in which order they rank, this will bring you closer to your purpose.

Sincerely,
Your Future (Pain-Free) Self

CONQUER PAIN TO GAIN (PLEASURE IN LIFE & RELATIONSHIPS)!

 

RESOURCES

  • Dr. John DeMartini’s Value Determination
    • https://drdemartini.com/value_determination/determine_your_values